On My Way-the flight JFK to Dubai

I know I am embarking on a serious journey, but I would be lying if I told you I was not just full-on club-style dancing in the bathroom. Simply because a) I could and b) I feel like I have so wholy stpped outside of the bounds of what is expected that breakin' it down in the lav just did not seem that weird.
I am writing this from leg of flight from New York to Rwanda part 1 of 4. Yup, I am flying to Rwanda. Who does that? Well apparently approximately 300 people several times a day. Somehow, I got my 47 kg of luggage on the plane without being charged extra, met some very cool people in line for the flight, wrangled a free cart to use in the airport, paid some bills on line, made some calls and now I am sitting in a luxury liner airplane where everyone speaks Arabic, French, Afrikaans, and English-but with a sexy foreign accent. The dinner menu reads like something from the pages of Jean-Georges, (i.e. Lamb Tandoori Masala-tender lamb cooked in Tandoori spices and topped with a masala sauce, sevred with jeera rice and okra with tomato sauce-it just sounds so good!!) I got a bulk head seat and a window and there is a plug right here! Where am I? (Somewhere over some ocean right now, actually). Oh, and I know someone on the flight, Lani, from AJWS.
Craziness.
Before I get into all of this, I want to take a moment to just sing the praises of my wonderful friends and family especially in the last week. Man, I have been a mess trying to get it all done!! But somehow, with the help, love and support of many, it did. Special HUGE thank you to Tami who sat with me today saying, ok, how can I help you next. She even cleaned the cat puke out of my shoe when one of the cats over-indulged on Cat Chow and hair balls. Thanks Tam, I love you too.
So, here I am.
It has been a powerful week as I have left Brooklyn Heights Synagogue. I left feel lost a bit. Unimportant. And then, today, my last day, there were some big moments. I am too embarrassed to recap them here, but they spoke to my heart and set me on the right path for framing this trip. Their comments reminded me that I guess what I do matters and that is all I really want. I want to matter. I want my actions to make a positive impact on those around me, on the whole world even.
So I am off to try my hand at making a difference far far away from home. I am reminded of a personal prayer, a story of someone's journey shared with the whole congregation at the High Holy Days at some point during my adolescence. This story was given by a woman who traveled the world in search of something, her self perhaps. I do not remember the details, but the lesson was, she found that whatever she was looking for was not far off, out there, but was wherever she was. Whatever she sought was within her. And I wonder what I am looking for and what I might find.
I was talking with Joe today and he said, you know, you do not have to come back any different than you are. You can come back the exact same person you are right now. And on the one hand, that is a relief. But on the other hand...where is the fun in that? My goals, as I head off on this adventure is to breathe a lot. It is my job to slow down and take care of myself. I am striving to be brave when I speak with people and to remain open. I have to ask a lot of questions and sometimes, I will not like the answers I will hear. Sometimes the questions themselves will be uncomfortable. Sometimes, I will have to pester and harass a little bit. I need to stay brave enough and strong enough to bear the discomfort of all of that. (Made more difficult by the exhaustion I anticipate I will feel upon arrival-there is an eight hour time-difference, New York to Rwanda).
But truly, what I need to keep in mind is the words of Lt. JG Zachary Juniper who said to me this week, Rachael, no matter what you do will be right as long as it is in the service of God.
What does it mean? I do not always know. But I have a sense of it. Hate evil, love what is good...something like that. What does God want of me? If I can keep that question in mind, then the rest will follow.