More from the land of Muzungu

Being white is keeping me home today. I am tired of being an oddity. As someone who likes to blend in, I am exhausted by sticking out. At the village, I felt like I was constantly being tested. What will this white person be like? Blank stares, cold hard looks, until I would muraho (hello) or miriwe (good afternoon) then the inevitable HUGE grin and laugh (at me? With me?) Then sometimes the right response...makuru (news or what's up) and then I would pause, think, and pull up the right reply...nemaze (it's all good) Then sometimes the repeat of it all because it is a fun game to hear the muzungu try to speak kiniyerwandan (the language). Then some of their English. Hi. How Are you? They would say. Then eventually we would akwardly part and I would say mirakoze! (thank you!) because I don't know how to say goodbye.

I was thinking of walking up to the novotel this morning for a massage but decided not to because I just don't want to get in to all of that!

The language is tiring, the looks are tiring...

Thank goodness for French. I have used more of it here than anything. It seems to be the common language for me with many people.

When at the village, Nir, the Executive Director, was telling me that it is hard to have short term volunteers-the kids get really attached. I asked if that was the nature of the Rwandan culture or the nature of orphans/genocide survivors. Neither, he said. It is because the volunteers are white. The kids all want to attach to a white person.

That stopped me in my tracks. I did not want my coming there to create that dynamic nor did I want to encourage an intense attachment from a child and then leave very quickly. I could have stayed a second night at the village, but I think I felt better disengaging before anything was too intense. I have no desire to hurt anyone!! And I could see already after having been there for 4 hours how much the kids wanted me to know who they were...they wanted to be the one the muzungu knew by name.

I stuck with the staff.

I met Innocent (in French it sounds more like Innocey...) and I used my three words of kiniyirwandan. He laughed and said, oh you have been here three days and you speak the whole language? Oh yes, I said in my most exaggerating sarcastic tone, I know the whole thing. Really?? He seemed excited. Apparently sarcasm does not translate. And then he said something to me very quickly in his natuive tongue. Innocent! I exclaimed, I don't understand that!! He replied, a little surprised (perhaps he was joking and his humor does not translate either) you said you knew the whole thing. Rachael (it sounds more like Lachu since l's and r's are interchangeable like in Japan) you told a WHITE lie!! (I am pretty sure I got the cultural cue right that it was a double entendre...)

So, today, I am taking a self care day. I am sitting on the porch, all packed up, still in my pjs for as long as possible. Then lunch this afternoon with another NGO person-then off to Uganda where I begin teaching about education and human development to burgeoning teachers at the University. (schedule to follow)

I look forward to hearing more from more of you out there. Rwanda is beautiful and wonderful, but it is not home. Hearing from home always feels good. Please, do not be all 8000 miles away.