In Awe in the days of Awe

I guess they work, those high holy days. I am in Awe of the last 10 days of my life. This high holy day season has affected me deeply. Rosh Hashanah was lovely and I really enjoyed celebrating a new year with my new congregation. Yom Kippur, however, was something else all together different. The holiday moved me, changed me, shaped me.

First of all, there was writing the sermon. I wrote about death. If you would like to read it, it is posted here. The process of writing the sermon was frightening. Exploring the topic was challenging, and cathartic since I had spent much of the summer thinking about it. I was pushed to streamline my thoughts and to distill, distill, distill. I think I left out more than I put in!! Material for sermons for future years...

Delivering it was also terrifying. Knowing I would be bringing people to a place of discomfort was...well, uncomfortable to consider. Would I be strong enough to hold the discomfort in the room and then bring people back from that edge to a place of hope? Would I be able to do that??

The last incredible thing that occurred was my parents and grandmother (father's mom)made plans to come to my shul for Yom Kippur.

The whole thing...the way these pieces came together...it was just beyond words. My family was called to open the ark for one round of the confessional prayers. I stood before an open ark, wearing a kittel, my grandmother to my right, my father to my left, my mother standing beside my grandmother, declaring the sins of the congregation in a loud, booming voice, everyone wearing white, my grandmother wracked with sobs...

How do I express in words...I did it-I gave the sermon and it went well. I felt good about it and the feedback was profound...that sermon spoke to the congregation, touched people. I was riding on that train but I do not feel I was driving it. There was something powerful created in that church amongst the congregants and the clergy. We grew this gorgeous feeling together. It was not what I did or what they did, but what we all did. They brought their kavanah and their willingness to be open, vulnerable and brave before us. They trusted us. And we trusted them, brought our vulnerability and openness before them. Together we took a great risk and it was worth it-worth the discomfort and the fear to come out the other side somehow closer, stronger, braver, smarter, richer. The good stuff is never easy but boy, is it worth it.