Holding a Heavy Moment

Part of the HUC senior sermon process involves acquiring a copy of the video from Tracy Neale, Rabbi Altman's assistant, bringing it along with a blank DVD to TJ, our resident tech guy, to make a copy of it, returning the DVD original to Tracy then bringing the copy at a pre-appoined time to Sandra Kazzan, HUC's speach coach, for viewing and reviewing.



I learned of this process through the trial and error that comes from knowing I needed a copy to bring to Sandy but not knowing how exactly to make that happen. I fumbled my way through discerning and engaging in the various steps I have listed above. I emailed Sandy who said to bring s blank to TJ. I went to TJ who said go see Tracy. When I went to see Tracy, she was on the phone. I saw on her desk a pile of DVDs, one which read "senior sermon." After waiting, I signaled to her, is mine in this pile? She nodded, handed me the slim DVD case and mouthed the words "BRING IT BACK..."In my hand, there it was, a DVD which read in dismissive black-Sharpie scrawl "Senior Sermon, Rachael Bregman, 2/2/09"



For whoever wrote that title, this was clearly just one DVD in the sea of senior sermon DVDs. On someone's to-do list it said, archive sermons. A pile on a desk categorized and filed. My sermon just one of many. No big deal, just a thing.



As I held this "thing" in my hand, I felt tingly-cautious, conscientious of its weight...burdened almost. It was heavy. Heavy.

I thought back on the day two weeks ago. My senior sermon was a weighty moment in my life in away that I did not anticipate. The weight of it came less from the venue (although that certainly was a piece) and less from what I said (it was my first justice sermon!) but more from all that has happened since. Standing up and preaching my justice, preaching my values, and announcing my self...well...much follows from it...

Since the sermon, my life has acquired a certain weight. I feel more responsible to the world at large and to my world here at HUC. I have declared who I am and who I aspire to be to a whole lot of people. And now...and now, I cannot just talk the talk and maybe consider walking the walk...I feel the need, the desire, and the weight of responsibility to walk, trot, and run...

I carried the DVD to TJ and put it on his desk to copy, relieved to be free for a moment of its enormity and magnitude.